Dear Tricia......

Five years ago this morning I was up getting kids ready for school, filled with excitement and anticipation. We went about our day as usual and it was a great day. I picked up the kids after school and we talked about their teachers, and friends, and the goals for the coming year. About 4 pm I got a call from mom saying Tricia had had a seizure and was having a c-section. Still, I thought wow in a bit we will have a new little life added to our family, little did I know that one would be taken. If I had known how this day would have impacted my life, wow the things I would have done different. I would have been kinder, I would have told her just how much I loved her. I would have made sure she knew that she was my very best friend. I would have taken more time to attend the temple, read my scripture with more meaning, truly talked to my Heavenly Father and shared with him my deepest concerns and joys. I would have been doing all the things that she did so well, non of which I was doing at the time. Tricia, it was so hard to have you just gone. So many dreams died with you. We were going to raise our kids together, share the teenage blues together, send our boys on missions together, talk about the worries of driving together, laugh about the HS dances and the kids funny dates together, cry when they got their hearts broken together, we were going to marry off our children together and then think how did we get so old together. So many things we were going to do together, and now I am doing them by myself. I miss you, but I think of you every day. That day that you left I promised that I would change my life so that we could be together for eternity. I started reading my scripture diligently, talking to my Heavenly Father and really sharing with him. I attend the temple at least monthly, I still struggle to keep up with your weekly visit. I love more openly and definately more deeply. I tell those around my how I feel, and I compliment more often. I wonder if you were taken so I would get my life in order, and if so then it has been worth it. I thank Heavenly Father every day that he let you be my sister and bless my life. I know you were with me when I went through my divorce, and felt so much better when Mike shared that you had wanted me to do that long before. I know that you were with us during the hard time just after you left. I feel you with me when I struggle, cheering me on. I have felt you with the kids starting school, and know that you are with me as I wonder how I have gotten so old. So, I guess we are still doing all those things together. I have found many wonderful women that have taken me in as their sister, thankyou for sending them my way. They will never take your place but as true sisters they ease the everyday burdens. Thankyou dear sister for everything. For watching over me, guiding me, loving me, and helping me see what is truly important. I love you so much, and miss you dearly. What a wonderful day it will be when I get to run into your embracing arms and I can finally give you the hug I have longed to give and tell you how much I love you and how important you were to me through life and how excited I am that we will be together forever. Thankyou for keeping me grounded because you know how flighty I can be. Thank you for reminding me that it is really about the quiet, peaceful, small moments. That you can be soft and still be strong. I love you.